I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
