At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
