I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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