I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
