shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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