Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
