____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have fence marks all over my body
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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