the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
