i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
