Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
