i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
