Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
