dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
