fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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