I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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