There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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