i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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