4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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