clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
