3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She bit a glass in half.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
