i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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