I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
