haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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