Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
