I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This is the high leading the old right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
