Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just high enough for therapy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
