he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
