What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
