I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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