naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
