end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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