god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
