We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
