You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
