my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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