The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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