GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
