I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
