mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
