i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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