I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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