you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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