I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
