i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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