the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
