He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize