Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
