Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
