Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
