Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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