Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
