this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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