I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
