he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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