All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
