so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
