pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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