I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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