did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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