You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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