I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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