Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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