sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Randomize
