I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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