so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize