Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
