worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
