as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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